Some actual writing

Here’s the start of a new story I’m writing. Hope it’ll end up being about 5k words for an anthology of stories set in the 1970s-1980s.

Feedback would be greatly appreciated (positive or negative).


“That was awesome!” Annabel squealed, clutching Brad’s arm right as they walked along the path away from the large hall.


“Yeah” the young man replied with a shrug. “Not as good as the Campbelltown one, though.” He stopped and looked around at the people streaming out of the hall of the Magill College of Advanced Education, watched by a dozen bored looking police officers.


“What you waiting for?” Annabel asked.


“I promised Jason we’d walk home with them,” he said absently as his eyes scanned the large crowd. Cars pulled up and drove off, filled with teenagers, while the bus-stops on either side of the road were packed with young adults waiting to make their way to wherever they were going to continue their fun.


Annabel’s face screwed up a little. “Jason and Amanda?” she asked.


“Of course.” He looked at her curiously. “Why?”


She shrugged. “There’s something about Amanda. I don’t know,” she muttered.


“You just don’t know her that well,” he replied. “She just goes to a different school.”


“A private school,” Annabel clarified. She shook her head. “Yeah, I just don’t know her that well. Are they going back to your place tonight or what?”


“Yeah. Amanda’s mum said she’d pick her up from there, and Jason’s crashing with me tonight. What about you?”


“I’ve gotta get mum to pick me up as well.” She kissed Brad on the cheek. “So I hope we’ll have some time together,” she added, whispering in his ear.


He smiled. “And I reckon Jase and Amanda’ll want the same thing,” he said with a wink. Annabel giggled and wrapped her arms around his waist.


“Hey!” They both jumped as a pair of arms wrapped around them from behind.


“Dale!” Jason laughed, grabbing at his chest in a pantomime heart attack.


“Hey, too,” said the young lady with him.


“Hi, Jodie,” Annabel grinned. “What did you think?”


“It was brilliant,” she said. “I reckon it was better than the last Campbelltown one.”


“Come on,” Brad said. “That was brilliant. There were so many of us there. They said it was a new record for people at a Blue Light…”


“Yeah, but there was room to dance at this one,” Dale laughed.


“What you doing now?” Brad asked suddenly.


“I promised the oldies that we’d walk my sister and her friends home after this,” Jodie sighed. “They’re having a sleepover tonight. I wish I was allowed to have some one over as well.” She looked at Dale and raised her eyebrows, making all four of them laugh.


“Well, Jason and Amanda are coming with us to my place, so once you’ve got rid of the sister, come on over,” Brad offered.


“Sounds good,” Dale nodded. A sudden squeal distracted all of their attention as a group of four girls ran across to them. “Their first Blue Light Disco,” he muttered under his breath as the girls reached them and started to talk all at once about how great it had been. “I guess we’re going then,” he said as Jodie started to lead the younger girls away.


“Feel better with them coming as well?” Brad asked.


Annabel smiled. “Thanks,” she said.


“And here they come,” Brad laughed.


Wearing identical ‘Choose Life’ t-shirts and singing Wham’s ‘Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go’, Amanda and Jason danced down the path, apparently not caring who was watching them. They stopped and finished their little dance by doing a little waltz and then bowed, getting a smattering of applause from the people walking by.


“Finished?” Brad asked.


They looked at one another, and then started to waltz once more.


“Okay,” Brad said. “Enough. You ready to go?”


They looked at one another and grinned. “We want to have a stop on the way,” Jason said.


“Where?” Annabel asked with a laugh.


“The St George’s cemetery.” Annabel and Brad both turned and looked down the road at the steeple of the old church, one of the first Anglican churches consecrated in Adelaide.


“Why?” Brad asked quietly.


They giggled like young children. “I’ve always wanted to make out in a cemetery,” Amanda said.


“I think it sounds cool,” Brad added.


“I don’t know…” Annabel started, but Brad looked at her with a silent plea. She sighed. “Isn’t that creepy, though?” she whispered.


“It’s just a cemetery,” Amanda laughed and led the way down the road towards the old church.


They waited until the traffic lessened before crossing the road and making their way down Church Street beside the old graveside. When they were sure no-one was looking, Jason and Amanda jumped the fence, followed by Brad and, eventually, a very reluctant Annabel. “I don’t like this,” she whispered as Brad helped her over.


“Why not?” he asked.


“It’s creepy.” She looked into the darkness, down the line of memorials and grave stones. Jason and Amanda were already locked together, leaning against a large monument topped with a stone angel. Annabel turned away from them. “I can’t,” she muttered. “Not here.”


Brad smiled at her and kissed her on the cheek. “I know,” he said quietly. “I’m with you. But let them have some fun.”


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  1. #1 by stevengepp on May 3, 2013 - 11:40 pm

    First feedback (via email) and I agree with it – will replace word “Awesome” in the first line with something more 80s. “Brilliant” (a la the Young Ones) looking to be the winner here.

  1. Links! Links! We got links! | Confused Ramblings

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